The bible is disturbing.

Go ahead, try to say it isn’t. Read all of Joshua 10 and tell me that wouldn’t be the most graphic war movie you’ve ever seen. Lots of the bible is filled with that sort of violence; the slaughtering of entire villages, women and children included. Much of the text is the sort of stuff we try to keep our kids away from. Have you ever wondered why we teach our kids the story of Noah’s Ark, yet fail to mention that EVERYONE else died? Can you imagine the sort of chaos that would have been – with all sorts of people running around like mad, eventually ending up floating in a sea they never saw coming?

The truth is that with as much as I love Jesus and consider the stories about him to be the most beautiful ever told, much of the bible I just don’t get. But maybe that is just the point.

To be honest, the bible never leaves me unaffected. If I’m reading about the brutality of the Israelites under the direction of God in the OT, or pouring over a love letter Paul is writing to a bunch of people who are trying to understand Christianity, the bible always has something for me to chew on. And whether I like the taste or not, it is real. There is always something for me to process, always something to wrestle with God over, always something He is trying to tell me.

And while parts of the OT are completely over my head, I wonder if, centuries from now, people will read OUR stories – the narrative of the 21st century American Christian – and wonder, “How did God let that happen? How did Christians act like that?”

You know – things like using an entire earth’s worth of fossil fuels, allowing “church” to just happen on Sunday mornings in a building, allowing the slave trade to be greater now than it was during colonial America, understanding that nearly half the world lives in poverty but not *really* caring, hearing about children being forced into prostitution around the world (even in the U.S.) and remaining on the sidelines.

Yep, the bible is disturbing. But so are our lives. Let us not forget who we are in God’s story. And though we may never be characters in the bible with our names and stories to be read for generations to come, our lives now are just as important as Joshua and Paul.

“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. YOUR kingdom come. YOUR will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”

Achan’s Sin

In Joshua chapter 7 we learn about Achan, more specifically, what he did. To sum up quickly, while a part of a group of soldiers, Achan found some stuff he liked laying around Jericho. He probably though, “Hey, this stuff is going to burn anyway, why don’t I just take it?” Truthfully, it was pretty good stuff, too; a robe, some gold, you know – stuff that nobody would miss cause the owners of it would soon be dead.

So Achan takes this stuff. To make a long story short, his greed caused 38 men to be killed in the next battle at Ai, a battle they should have EASILY won. The Lord (and most of Israel, for that matter) was not happy. So they stoned him to death and burned all the stuff.

Why?

Achan’s true sin, I’d wager, was not taking the “stuff”, but desiring the stuff more than he desired and trusted God. See, God had given pretty explicit instructions about what to take, what not to take, etc., so that Israel would HAVE to remain reliant upon Him. Achan figured he could have both.

If I’m honest, I commit Achan’s sin every single day of my life. I buy stuff I don’t need, I covet things that will never satisfy, and I put my trust in what I can keep. My focus on God and His provision is pretty much always an afterthought.

Don’t we all do that? And it’s subversive, isn’t it? Before we know it we have gathered things because we think we need them, believing somehow that they will satisfy us. They never do. They never will.

I’m reminded of what Jesus said in Luke 12: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!”

What would our lives look like if we took that literally (which, by the way, is EXACTLY how Jesus meant that one to be taken)? How much differently would think about what we buy, and more importantly, where we put our trust?

My prayer today, for me and those close to me, is to trust Jesus more – with our “stuff”, with our money, with what we will eat and drink, with what we will wear, with our very lives.

Fear and Love

I’ve fallen in love plenty of times in my life.

I remember falling in love with baseball at about the age 5 – something I’ve never fully recovered from. I fell in love with my mom long before that. I fell in love with chocolate donuts in about 4th grade, as is evidenced by my fifth grade school picture. I fell in love with Isaiah, Joshua, and Carina the very second I saw them. I remember very vividly being not even able to speak – I was so overcome with emotion.

I fell in love quite some time ago with Maya, and the truth is I am still falling. And what excites me about that is that I see no end to it. The longer I am with her, the more fully I know her (and she, me) the more I come to understand there are no limits to love; it will expand, increase, blossom and grow as long as you let it.

I say these things because my love for God has worked in much the same way. I began to truly fall in love with God at about 19 years old, and my love for him has only expanded over time. I found grace to be truly amazing, forgiveness to be humbling, and mercy to be overwhelming.

However, I also know the bible (and many well-intentioned Christians) say we should have a “healthy fear” of God, also, but I seem to be having a problem with this term lately, probably because I’m still trying to understand how those two words go together. Where is there “health” in “fear”? I guess when a building is on fire it would be good to have fear of that fire. Or if your house were broken into in the middle of the night, it would be justified to have a fear for your life or children.

But why has the Christian community, in its evangelistic efforts, so often treated God more like a fire or a thief?

The question every non-Christian in the western world has heard (and probably hates) is “Do you know where you would go if you died tonight?” I can’t help but think there is more fear in this question than there is health, and certainly there is more fear than love. I know there are some who would argue “NOT TRUE! God’s love saves people from hell.” I agree with that. But is that what we are communicating?

How come Jesus never asked that question? How come he talked so much more about the Kingdom of God, love, justice, mercy, and compassion than he did about fear and hell and condemnation? And when he did speak of “hell”, wasn’t it to the religious leaders of the day who were, by their rules and regulations, keeping people away from true love?

Then why, as Christians, are we so concerned with instilling a “healthy fear” into people that will, most likely, never lead them to love?

I know it’s probably infinitely more difficult, but while I am alive, I will choose to love, as closely as I know how, to the way Jesus does. “There is no fear in love, because perfect love drives out fear.” I really believe that.

DONE. Kinda.

A couple of months ago I posted  blog about how I needed a fight and how I chose to pick one.  Well, it kicked my butt in a very good way.

My challenge to myself was to raise as much money for Active Water as possible. I would do this by drinking ONLY water, eating healthily, and working out consistently to see how much weight I could lose in 2 months.  How does this raise money exactly?  Well, my friends decided they would sponsor me at $1/pound over the course of beverage fast, then give that money to Active Water.  I also decided that each time I would have gone out to lunch or bought something from Starbucks, I would at that $ to the pot as well.

Well, I’m done.  I am happy to say that I fasted from all beverages other than water (and black coffee brewed in my kitchen) for 57 days.  And the result…17 pounds lost!

I have to admit that I’m pretty proud of myself for the dedication, but even prouder that in a couple of weeks, thanks to many of you, I will be able to send a big ol’ check to Active Water that will literally help save the lives of some families in Zambia.  For every $85 I raised, Active Water is able to put a bio-filter, which will last 20 years, in the home of a family who previously had unsafe drinking water.  By my estimate, before January I will send them a check for roughly $600.

This little experiment was harder than I thought… I learned how dependent I am upon a society that provides virtually any type of food or drink instantaneously. I didn’t realize how often or how easy I would go through a fast-food drive thru, or pay $3.50 for hot coffee, or hijack the soda machine in the student center.  I was forced to slow down, to plan, to know what I was going to do before my next meal before I thought “Oh shoot…I’m hungry”.

I realized how lucky we are to live here and have access, in abundance, for just about ANYTHING we need.  I hope I don’t lose that lesson soon – it forces me to empathize with the majority of the world who doesn’t have what we have, to see (in a VERY small way) some of the “choices” they are forced to make, and mostly, to understand more deeply how Jesus cares about people in ways that do not come naturally to me.

I want to thank those of you who supported me with your money and your prayers during this time.  I am healthier than I was 2 months ago, and plan on continuing on that path.  More importantly, though, I sincerely hope that the money raised and donated actually gives people hope and life, the very things Jesus gives me.  I also pray that I am never, EVER, done with the honor of playing a minor role in helping people to see the Kingdom of Heaven more clearly.

because I need a fight

This summer I was fortunate enough to take about 35 high school friends with me to Biola University to attend a conference called “Thrive”. The conference was phenomenal, and many of the students came alive in their faith in ways they never had. Many of them also fell in love with Active Water, an organization that builds bio-filters for families in Zambia (and other parts of Africa). We watched a movie called “Zambia’s Song”, where it was revealed to us that *most* families have unclean/unsafe drinking water; that their outhouses are right next to their wells, and many have to walk miles per day to scoop muddy water from an insect-infested hole. But $85 puts a filter in a home, lasts for 20 years, and makes all their drinking water clean.
Immediately some of our students went to work. They collected money in their dorm rooms and walked around asking for change in a hat. In a little over 2 hours they gathered enough money to buy 8 filters. I can’t explain how impressed I was by them, and how their action has challenged me to action.

I live a pretty easy life, mostly. My wife and I get regular paychecks, we never want for food, and we certainly have safe drinking water. I never have to think about where my next meal will come from, or if I have enough to eat or drink. I don’t think twice about buying Starbucks, or Jamba Juice, or a sandwich from Raleys. And those things, I think, affect my faith.
Why? Because I am never in need. Honestly. I know that sounds stupid, and probably a bit blasphemous, but it’s true. The bible talks SO MUCH about poverty, suffering, and enduring, and the only think I have to endure, really, is the line at Costco.

So I’ve been thinking and praying for a while about what to do about this. And I read a book a while back by Donald Miller that talks about the importance of putting yourself in hard situations and creating good stories. And I want to be able to identify with people who are in need, and not just give my money to them…that’s too easy. I want something I have to fight for, and I want my friends on my side during that fight.

For the next 2 months, starting today, October 25th, I’m going to drink ONLY water. I’ll carry it around in one of those trendy little metal bottles and fill it from drinking fountains. I’ll also eat ONLY what I can make at home, and as healthily as possible. Every time I WOULD have eaten out or had Starbucks, I’ll make a note of it (on my iPhone, of course ) and save that money for Active Water.

And here’s where you come in, friends. I’d imagine that with drinking only water and healthy diet and regular work outs, I’m gonna lose some weight. I’m asking that at Christmas, for every pound I lose over the next two months, you’d donate $1 to active water. Truthfully, I’d ask that you’d make some changes in the way you spend money and live, too, but $1 per pound is a good first step. It’s honestly pretty easy to do and it puts all the responsibility on me!

Thanks, friends, for reading this far and considering my lunacy. I love you all and if you’ve read this far, you probably love me, too. And, if you want, let’s play a part in God’s bigger plan in bringing healing to his planet.
Matt

Day 1, John 1

Over the next 3 weeks, a bunch of high school students and I will be reading through the book of John together, 1 chapter at a time.  My goal is to post little snippets each day of what stands out to me, what affects me, and hopefully lend some insight into these verses for students reading them for the first time.  Today is day 1.  Do work.

I LOVE the beginning of John.  Statements like “without him nothing was made has been made” and “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us” are fascinating to me.  Eugene Peterson translates the latter verse as “God moved into the neighborhood.”  For the first time in history, people were talking to the Word, the expression, the exact representation of the character and love of God.  This man, Jesus, carried the full weight of being God, and the full reality of being human, taking on emotion, and embodying love.  Awesome stuff.

Entire books have been written on the theology of the first 14 verses of this chapter, but I’m going to leave with this… “In him was life, and that life was the light of men.  The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.”  I think this statement alone has HUGE implications for how we live.  It is not meant to say that men and women are perfect.  In fact, quite the contrary; in men and women there is darkness.  BUT a light that gives life still shines in men and women who look towards and identify with Jesus.  THERE IS LIFE IN HIM.  And there is where we start…and hopefully finish.

Have a great day 1 in John, friends.

While I’m 31

I turned 31 just a couple of days ago.  And I know that in itself is nothing special, but I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of days- how will my 32nd year be any different than the ones before it?  The truth is none of my years have been bad, but while I’m still breathing I would just like to make a concerted effort to get better at some things.  So, I’m going to do something I’ve never done before:  make a list.

This list isn’t meant to be exhaustive.  I’m sure I’ll leave a few things out.  What it is meant to be is a place for me to be held accountable.  In all of these things listed below, I would like you, my friends (and I’m assuming we are friends since you are reading this), to point me back to this list when I’ve gone astray, or to call me once a week to see how I’m doing in an area.  Maybe even one of these will strike a chord with you and you’ll want to do the same thing with me.  That would be great.  Some of these things are minor, some are quite large.  But I’m counting on you, friends, to help me strive to make this year great.  Here are just a few things that I’d like to do while I’m 31,in no particular order, along with some reasons why:

*I want to be in the best physical shape of my life.  I’ve found that working out has a tremendous impact on the rest of my day.  When I’ve exercised, I find it more difficult to eat unhealthy foods (I don’t want to ruin the hard work I’ve just put in!). Eating well and working out help me to feel better mentally, too.  I know I’ve done good stuff to my body, and that just makes me feel good.

*I want to spend more nights at home.  Being a youth pastor and worship leader means that LOTS of evenings are spent with people who are not my family.  And while ultimately I LOVE my job and seriously enjoy that I get paid to do the very things I’d do for free anyway, I know my family misses me, and I miss them, when I have to spend extra, unplanned nights away.  I need to commit to no more than 3 nights out on any given week, and make sure my boys and girls get my attention, not just left-overs.

*I want to pray, every night, with my wife.  Sounds like an easy one, but with both of us running around, giving kids baths, and cleaning and getting prepared for the next day, we just haven’t made that a priority.  No, I haven’t made that a priority.  But praying with Maya not only gets us connected and focused on God, it’s a time only we can share together, and talk about the big and little things happening in our lives.

*I want to be more effective as a leader.  As a pastor, I have a pretty high degree of influence, especially on students.  I would like to say I always say the right thing or make the right decision regarding how I go about interacting with people, but I don’t.  Part of that is being human.  But part of that is having to serve people out of the margins of my day…which leads me to my next item:

*I want to be more efficient with my time.  Anyone have any ideas on how to do this?  I find little tiny ways to waste time during the day quite often.  And while sometimes playing games on my phone is just therapeutic, more often it is just a waste.

*I want to read the bible more frequently.  Many would say, “isn’t this exactly what pastors are supposed to do?”  Yes.  But that that’s not why I want to read the bible more frequently.  It’s because I honestly do love Jesus, and I love reading the words he told people, and the stories of faith that changed the world.  I want to be a part of that, and I want to be as connected as I know how to the God who loves and made me.

*I want to meet new friends, and develop deeper relationships with the ones I have.  The truth is I’m a pretty lucky guy.  I have amazing friends.  The best.  But I know that many times people get so familiar to the same people that they develop the same habits, the same mindset, and the same, well, everything…which means they aren’t challenged, and ultimately quit growing as a person.  I don’t want that.  I want to meet new people who don’t think like me.  I want my old friends to challenge me when I become stagnant or dogmatic.

*I want to write an album of 12 original songs.  I’ve been playing guitar and singing for some time now, and I’ve recorded a few things.  But I’ve never really taken any of it seriously.  I still don’t know if I want to take it seriously, but I enjoy the process of creating.  I’m certain I’ll never make any money from it…this one is mostly for my own enjoyment.

*I want to travel to a place I’ve never been.  Most of my life life has been spent right here in good ol’ Merced.  And I’m pretty sure the rest of it will be, too.  But I like seeing new places, creating new memories and stories with my family, and being able join in conversations by saying, “Oh, I’ve been there!”

As you can see, I’m gonna need some help sticking to these.  No doubt I’ll do well at some times in some areas, poorly in others.  I know that.  But I’m sharing this list of wants because, well, I truly want to do them.  And if I keep all of these thoughts only to myself, I know that I am less apt to actually make attempts to do them.  I’ll probably add a few more later, and I’ll probably find out that some of them are a lot more important than the others.  But, there it is friends.  I need help to make this year spectacular.  Who’s with me?

Politics and Love

Unless you live in a cave (without internet access, which means you wouldn’t be reading this anyway), you already know about the vote that changed the way America works.

It’s almost as if I’m in mourning.

And not because I think health care reform is a bad idea, or that the way America is going about it is incorrect, or that I’m going to have to pay more taxes, or that the government is taking away our freedoms.  I have no doubt that Jesus is for social justice (thank you, Mr. Beck, for the lunacy last week).  When Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full,” I’m quite certain he wasn’t speaking about going to heaven, but instead about the way we live life now.

And it’s not because I think the government is taking away the church’s right (responsibility?) to care for the less fortunate, or robbing us of our blessing, or imposing some sort of reform on the religious that removes “love” from the giving equation.

I’m most disappointed in this: that everyone thinks they’re right.

I have friends, very close friends, on both sides of the issue.  And what has become  apparent to me over the last 12 hours or so is that most of them are more concerned with who is right, who has the wittiest retort, or the most clever put-down.  Winning the argument means making the other side lose, putting them on the defensive, and making sure they feel cornered enough to spit venom in self-preservation.

And I guess winning arguments and being highly regarded in the eyes of people who agree with you is pretty important if you need to further an agenda or be on the right side of a political discussion.

…but not if you claim to know Jesus.  Since when is it more important to be right than to love well?

About 2000 years ago my friend Paul had some pretty profound words about how to interact with people:

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.”

Maybe the idealist in me believes these words could still be true today.  But I’ve seen it work; it’s at the very heart of lives who call Jesus their “savior”.  It’s what softens attitudes, garners the most serious attention, and gives the most life.  It is what saves and what protects, what is nonsensical and beautiful, illogical and imperfect.  But love never fails.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember, at least for those of us who would call ourselves Christian, is not that health care reform, economic reform, or political reform will truly save anyone.  But love will.  The love Jesus gave and gives through his people can change the world.  At least that’s what Jesus thought.

I’m sure this sounds all-too simplistic.  I pray that it is.

An Open Letter to Michael Vick

Hey Mike,

I heard Jim Rome call you today “Michael Jordan in cleats.”  At first I thought it was a pretty absurd analogy, but after thinking about it for a little bit I think he was right.  You did things at the quarterback position that I had never seen anyone in pads do before.  I became a fan when, in 2000, you almost carried VT to the national championship by yourself.  I was rooting pretty hard for you then.  When you beat Bret Farve in the playoffs at Lambeau I was beside myself (mostly because I’m a Niners fan and HATE Green Bay!), and I was rooting for you then, too.

When I heard a couple of years ago about the dog-fighting and treatment of some of the pit bulls I was pretty astonished, to be honest.  I couldn’t imagine someone doing that sort of thing.  I actually tried to explain it away, saying to myself that you were probably just a product and a victim of that environment.  And I guess that could still be true, but it didn’t explain away some of the horrible things you did.  Those things were, as I’m sure you see now, your fault.

So this morning I saw a lot of the press conference.  You signing with the Eagles is a pretty big deal.  There were protesters and signs…even the newspapers got in on the slander, saying “What were the Eagles thinking?”  You have caused, and will continue to cause quite a stir.

And as I saw you explaining your situation this morning without a prepared statement, without a tele-prompt, without somebody else coaching you into answers, I have to admit I was still rooting for you.

I guess I just know and have experienced what it means to have been given grace.  I have never been in the public eye, and I have definitely never killed dogs (although I was riding shotgun when a friend accidently hit one in the car), but I can’t explain fully how much I identify with you.

I remember a time in my life that was very dark, when my little thoughts would hijack my mind, and would lead me to do and say things that I knew weren’t supposed to be in me.  I remember a feeling of helplessness and depression because the people and circumstances around me felt like they were holding my soul underwater, and I remember I had a huge part to play in those circumstances even though I felt like I was drowning.  I needed, just as you do now, a second chance at life because although I was physically alive, I wasn’t living.

Now I assume you’ve had some very good conversations with Tony Dungy lately.  I don’t know the man myself, but from every account I’ve heard, he is a tremendous human being.  No doubt he’s told you about real life.  No doubt he’s told you about Jesus.  Now I’m not going to get preachy or anything, I’ll just say this; I have received the second chance, the forgiveness, the grace, and the encouragement you are needing right now.

So I’m sorry that people are holding up signs, and I’m sorry that the papers in Philly are slandering you.  I’m sorry that people are holding you to a part of your life where you don’t live anymore.  More than anything else I’m sorry you had to ever live in a place where doing what was wrong felt right, and destroying lives was part of how you felt you had to live yours.  I lived there too, but nobody is holding up a sign on my front porch and nobody is holding me to decisions I made when I was 20.

So I, for one, am still rooting for you.

Since it’s been awhile

I’m pretty sure the last time I posted a blog was when Carina was born, and that was over 3 months ago.  Shame on me.

Not that I’m assuming anyone particularly is hurt by the previous statement, but I have realized that getting my thoughts down in print, whether in a journal or on this blog, is therapeutic.  And I could probably use some major therapy about now.

Tomorrow I will leave my family for a week to hang out with almost 1200 high school students (about 30 of which I know personally) to attempt to teach them about Jesus and to do my best to get out of the way so they can have opportunities to see him more clearly.  This is a pretty monumental task, really, and it floors me still that a God who created the universe, He of infinite love, grace, and perfection, would trust me and some of my friends (each of us infinitely imperfect) to show Him to them, and them to Him.

And why would God do that?  Why would He decide to let humans be His instrument of choice to prove Himself to the world.  I’m just saying…If I were God and wanting to prove my existence and love to the world, I probably wouldn’t trust humans so much.  It’d be much easier to just write cloud messages to people, making each one personal and specific, leaving no doubt about my existence, and how I cared for humans and the intricate minutiae of their lives.

Instead, though, God picked me and you, not just as the objects of His love, but to be the vehicles of it, too.  Let that thought brew for a minute.  Pretty incredible, right?

Despite my terrible flaws and imperfections, God wants to use me to show his beauty and perfect love.  I can’t wrap my head all the way around it, but I am beginning to see why He would do such a foolish thing.  God KNEW that love would be worth it, and that the pursuit of that love is what drives humans at the core.

What that means is that I have to be willing to see through faults, to look past selfishness, pride, conceit, ambition, poor judgement, and self-centeredness in others, and know that God created them by and for love.  And if I can do that, then I have to do my best to kill those same things in myself so that others can look at me and see less of those traits and more of His love.  And lets be honest…doing those two things ~ seeing God in others AND allowing God to be seen in me ~ is infinitely difficult, but infinitely valuable if we are going to ever experience the infinite love that God has designed us for.

I truly believe that the aim of each human heart is God’s love, and if they are expected to experience even a little bit of that, I am expected to share (despite my faults and to the best of my ability) my experience with that love.

So I would ask that you pray with me that I (and the friends going with me this week) will be able to do just that for a group of high school students that may have NO idea that we are doing just that…putting ourselves aside in order for them to see LOVE more clearly.